Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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