Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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