im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
