where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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