I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
