I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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