I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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