Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
