even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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