Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You took a bar mat shot.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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