Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
