My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I looked at my own cervix.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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