The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
