Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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