Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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