Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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