Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
