what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
