My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
