we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
