So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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