its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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