I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
