wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize