so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
