Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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