i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
