Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
