They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
