dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
