the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
