Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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