drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
