3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
