Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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