can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
