I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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