You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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