so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
