You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
