All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
