my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
