me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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