I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
