when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize