Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Two words: nipple clamps
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
