the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
