I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
