And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
