This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
