its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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