I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize