period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize