I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
