Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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