he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
