And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
