I wish you could order shots online.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
