Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
