"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
