dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize