Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize