Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
