i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Less talking, more tequila
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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