So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
