I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
