I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
