What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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