Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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