What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
