My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
