i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
