Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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