I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
