Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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