Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
