Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone says I win the strip club
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
